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Wth after a failed 13 yr failed marriage Iwas mostly to blame I was totally disfunctional, and unmedicated, I married a abusive meth head who stole 4 years of my life and part of my soul, and showed me I could do thing I thought incapable of doing. I then got with a guy who was part disabled but not really his left arm just really doesn't work from being shot in the story short he was not perfect but he treated me like a but my adult and those around me like shit. After 4 yrs I married him. He promised to lo e me more and work on things wella yr and a half later he s me fucking stupid on a regular basis and blames it on me, as where Iuse toget mad as hell I have become emotionless, I rarly talk to him I don't get mad I just try not to care so I feel no more disapointment. 23 m white i host. I feel like a failure yet again. I felt so bad for him he was 12 yrs by himself since being shot and I just wanted to him and make up for all his lonleness, I overcame thefact that he was impotent from being shot, which was a challange in itself. I just wonder why is this gotdamn thing ed marriage not ment for me, I know I can be difficult but I can also be so damn good. I feel I should just end this marriage instead of drag it out and cause more pain for both of us, the thing is I him and was so willing to just be with him even though I don't him like I did my other husbands it is more like I just wanted to take care of him and make him happy forever but I not allow him to make me miserable or the ones that me and it has now taken me 40 yrs to relize ppl do not change, he never change he is incapable of loving my and feeling any sort of bond to them after 5 yrs and being that the only family he has I his life is his mom dad and sister and her husband he should be embrasing my family but is unable to, he was there the night my 5 yr old grandson was bore he s him grandpa but he forces himself to deal with himonly after countless hours of fighting why have I been so hard headed and wasted so yrs on someone who can't what does not benefit himself? I am Lost what kind of person I be now having to have 3 divorces under my belt? And only being 41? Sigh, I don't know what to do counciling? Divorce?
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